"When it comes to many areas of everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world."

— paraphrased from Scott Croft - boundless.org

Took Myers Briggs again after a couple of years…still INTP.

*success baby*

"'Men don't cry.' Men don't cry? But men do cry; monsters don't."

inspired by u/Hirizo - http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ofewo/as_a_man_when_is_the_last_time_you_cried/c3gtamd

I haven’t cried in years…is there something wrong with me?

What is it like to not be loved?

What is it like to not have a father?

What is it like trying to be a man when you have no idea what a man really is?

"We have all worked in sin, and death was minimum wage. If it wasn’t for Christ, we would have almost got paid."

— Ezekiel Azonwu, Almost

"When it comes to Christ’s sacrifice, the credit was greater than the debt."

Pastor Luther Schrum

Christian Finance 101

maybe I miss people

Getting emotionally attached to anything doesn’t really happen to me.  I have never missed a person, place, or thing that I can remember.  But lately, I’ve been okay with the fact that some people are just special to me. And I wouldn’t mind being with them or sacrificing my time for them.

Jeopardy - His crude humor is offputting, but careful examination of his life shows that he is passionate about many things.  He can tell a story by the way he dances, he can take a ton of data and make it useful and understandable, and if he puts his mind to something, he can really excel at something (ok this is mainly video games).  I’ve seen him mature, break out of his shell, become less hostile to the gospel, and over Carnival, for the first time ever, he had to support me in something.  Always, I am the one giving advice to him or helping him deal with issues, and seeing his serious side work on me was a nice change for once.

Jason - Our relationship was cautious at first. We had no idea who the other was, but in the two years of discipleship, Jason was able to build me up and help me sort through a ton of questions.  Sometimes, it’s difficult to work with someone with my style, but he has shown me patience in times that I was not very responsive, and grace in times when I’ve messed up.  Towards the end of his stay here, I found myself in the position of supporting and reaching out to him because he’s the kind of guy who will serve and serve and serve to the point where he’s tired, but people don’t think he needs to be served. And he will bear that burden himself and won’t easily let others help him.  On Saturday of Carnival, we talked about 8 hours straight.  Now, I know it is my turn to take care of him.

Daroon - She’s the annoying little sister I never had.  Her very particular nature make it hard to deal with her at times, and she can be such a foolish child, but when her darunisms came out when we caught up over dinner, I felt a sense of comfort and familiarity that I had almost forgotten.  I hope she is still growing and learning more about God.

C-Dawg Fresh - He was one of the first people I met in ACF.  He’s also the best discussion group leader, by far, that I have had the privilege of being in the same group with.  Most of my observations involve seeing him lead and serve the fellowship, and rarely do I see him get appreciated.  I can’t recall a single negative interaction I had with him. When it hit me that next year, he’ll be leaving to go to dental school, some sense of urgency or anxiousness crossed my heart.

Cyndie - When I get married, I want an older daughter and younger son because I never had anyone really be an older sister-like figure in my life.  Cyndie is the closest to a noona I’ve ever had. She has a great appreciation for life, and it’s quite refreshing to be around her. She has looked out for me, making sure that both my social and professional life are going well.  I’m glad she has found a church she regularly attends in the city.

Bernard Yuan 2:48PM, a person with feelings.

Last sentence made me tear.

I read all my tumblr posts up to sophomore year. It’s crazy to see what God has made me.  That refined beauty and detailed exactness that He puts into each and every one of us is really cool.

"Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?"

Romans 6:16 NASB

Would you rather be a slave to the Almighty King of the Universe or slave to the brokenness and treachery of the world?

On the walk home, I took a detour. Sitting on the bleachers of Gesling Stadium, I prayed alone out loud to God for the first time ever. And putting all my brokenness aside, with all my heart, I prayed. Funny, a lot of it was supplication.  The rest was admitting my own shortcomings to God and praying the hardest I’ve ever prayed for certain people. A bunny and a cat visited me. I wonder if they have friends and family. I wonder if they are loved and if they love others.  
The experience was beautiful, not in the fluffy yay way, but in the “I know life really sucks but God designed it a certain way, and I know that as a child of God.  And somehow, I find it the most beautiful thing ever” kind of way.
I think the most painful thing a human could ever experience is either having someone enter their world, their own little bubble, make a real genuine connection, have that spark, no matter how small, and then exit the bubble, forever, or hurting someone on purpose because it’s for their own good,  hurting out of love. I apologize for the grammar of the previous sentences, which I know to be incorrect, but lately, I’ve seen a lot of relationships get to the point in which they simply fade away. It’s so sad. And with graduation approaching, this will only become more true.  All things come to pass.  But for the things I was fortunate enough to receive, God, here’s my broken hallelujah.  Here’s all of me. Here’s everything I got. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. My Lord. My Savior. My Joy. My Peace. My Love. My wholly undeserved Prize.
Nothing fell from the sky while I was sitting there, but it was raining, and my socks got wet.

On the walk home, I took a detour. Sitting on the bleachers of Gesling Stadium, I prayed alone out loud to God for the first time ever. And putting all my brokenness aside, with all my heart, I prayed. Funny, a lot of it was supplication.  The rest was admitting my own shortcomings to God and praying the hardest I’ve ever prayed for certain people. A bunny and a cat visited me. I wonder if they have friends and family. I wonder if they are loved and if they love others.  

The experience was beautiful, not in the fluffy yay way, but in the “I know life really sucks but God designed it a certain way, and I know that as a child of God.  And somehow, I find it the most beautiful thing ever” kind of way.

I think the most painful thing a human could ever experience is either having someone enter their world, their own little bubble, make a real genuine connection, have that spark, no matter how small, and then exit the bubble, forever, or hurting someone on purpose because it’s for their own good,  hurting out of love. I apologize for the grammar of the previous sentences, which I know to be incorrect, but lately, I’ve seen a lot of relationships get to the point in which they simply fade away. It’s so sad. And with graduation approaching, this will only become more true.  All things come to pass.  But for the things I was fortunate enough to receive, God, here’s my broken hallelujah.  Here’s all of me. Here’s everything I got. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. My Lord. My Savior. My Joy. My Peace. My Love. My wholly undeserved Prize.

Nothing fell from the sky while I was sitting there, but it was raining, and my socks got wet.

"You don’t say you love somebody and then just walk away."

— Michelle Welton (fictional character from Bones)